This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
honey bunches of taint.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
