Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
