My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I met the friendliest cop last night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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