maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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