xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
