I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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