Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize