I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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