Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
