Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
