Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
