Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize