all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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