I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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