i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
