My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize