Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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