tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
