My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
