Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize