I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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