So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
