8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
