why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
