I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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