so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
