My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
