Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
