Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
