I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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