Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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