I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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