Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just found puke in my bra..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
