so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
