Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
