i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm too high and old for this...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
