Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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