Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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