why didn't you poke me back
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
