Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize