shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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