if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
