I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
