Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
