don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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