Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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