WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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