Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
