I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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