i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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