He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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