3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I need help removing her.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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