Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
