it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
