I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
