wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
