i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize