I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
