Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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