i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
