Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
