I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize