Cold hands, warm shart.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just high enough for therapy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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