Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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