Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
